Life is in stages. Right now, I’m at the stage where I’m learning how to “unlearn”. My principles are solidifying and sometimes it seems that they are breaking off. Holding on to the things I believe in sometimes can be a struggle but somehow, by God’s grace, I manage to hold on.
I’ve always been very dependent; depending on others to make decisions for me, to save me, to support me… as though I didn’t trust myself to make the right choices. I used to “second-guess” myself a lot but I’m unlearning this. I’m learning that part of being an adult is having to make choices, no matter how difficult and taking responsibility for them.
I’m learning that I don’t need to be liked. For some of you this may not be a big deal, but if you’ve had to live with the fear that someone may dislike you, you’d understand how burdensome it can be. I’m shaking off that skin little by little. It’s scary sometimes but like I told my friend, Jay, I’ve crossed the year-20 life mark, I can’t care about everybody’s opinion anymore. It’ll give me wrinkles.
I’m learning to recognise toxic energy, especially when it comes from me. It’s very easy to pass judgment on someone or to put ourselves down when we make mistakes. So I’m learning how to be kind, not just to others but also to myself. I’m learning that kindness to one’s self is love. Not the self-love we profess on Instagram when we get good sunlight on our skins or a new shade of lipstick. Not the kind we talk about when our friends won’t talk to us because we’ve upset them and rather than apologize, we put up an unaffected front on social media and not the kind of self-love you discover because you don’t want your Ex to know you’re hurting from your breakup ?. Self-love in its purest form is peace with one’s self, acceptance of one’s nature, recognition of one’s flaws, a desire to be better for one’s self and a commitment to be kind during the process.
I’m learning to let go, to hold on, to let God. I’m learning that love is not always romantic. Sometimes we want to classify every relationship but some people cannot fit in, so we call them friends. I’m learning that friendships do not have to be emotionally draining. And while I’m learning to keep my emotions together, I’m also learning that my ability to express myself using tears is not a flaw (this one is tricky).
I am unlearning Church systems and learning God’s system. This is the hardest of them all; understanding that man is man and God is God.
2017 has not ended. This “appraisal” should have waited until the end of the year but I couldn’t wait. No matter the stage of life you are at, keep calm. You may just see a lesson. Or two.