The Resolutions Finale: Itoro

Our resolution series was supposed to last the whole of January but I couldn’t get enough contributors. I take all the blame for that. I didn’t send out the calls/invitations early enough because I wasted valuable time worrying that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. Let’s just say I won’t be second-guessing myself as much this year. I had planned for my own resolutions to come on the 31st, and I stuck to my plans, stubbornly (if not foolishly). But anyways, here we are.

ON FEAR

I’ve suffered from the fear of rejection for a long time. It’s a real thing, guys. Maybe I’ll write about this sometime, but it’s such a weak narrative. And I’m Itoro, Annang woman extraordinaire with the strength of a thousand sachets of pure water. Weak doesn’t suit me, which is why I’m determined to conquer this fear one day at a time. In 2016, I wrote application for an internship that would have opened certain doors for me after NYSC. I printed it and kept it hidden because I was afraid that the establishment would say no; afraid that I could come so close to getting something I wanted passionately and lose it. So I told myself I didn’t want it that much and settled for something far beneath my abilities. It was a disaster.
I’m giving strength to my voice some more this year. I’m speaking without shame about my feminist ideals. I’m advocating for the causes that grip my heart; violence against women, ridiculous norms, gender equality, etc. I’m afraid that people will judge me and drag me for it. But then, I’ve already begun.

ON GOD

Praying was so much easier when everyone was fasting at the beginning of January and feeling holy. I thought I had my relationship with God all sorted out, but now I feel like I’m back to square one. In all honesty, I don’t know how the Lord manages to put up with me. So, I’m currently seeking a more sustainable method of preserving this very important relationship. Contributions and prayers are welcome, brethren.

ON LEARNING

I have the mild target of reading twenty books this year. I’ve read two. I actually want to read them all before July, so I can achieve this goal twice and call myself an overachiever. I may even add “intellectual” to my Twitter bio when I’m done. So technically, I want to read 40 books, but the official number is 20. This really isn’t about giving myself some accolade. It’s about gaining knowledge, reinventing myself and preparing for the future.

I want to learn one foreign language this year. So, I’m picking up my German from where I left off four years ago. It’s not exactly the easiest language to learn in the world, but I have a degree in linguistics and the only languages I speak are English, Annang, and some Igbo-accented French because of Aunty Chika, my junior school French teacher. I can’t keep disgracing my family.

ON LOVE

I am a Single Pringle. It has always been my nature. The one time I tried to join the brave people of this world and jump into the love boat, it didn’t end well. The recovery process involved staring into space and whispering “na me be dis” every once in a while. I admit that the part of the heart that is supposedly employed in the running of romantic affairs has not yet developed to maturity in my own body. It is safe to say that I am not falling in love in 2018. I’m taking a sabbatical, please. The man of my dreams should check back next year.

ON CAREER

I know I’m supposed to write about this but I don’t want to. Yesterday I resumed at a job I didn’t apply for. It hasn’t answered the questions in my mind. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to get my actual career started, to be honest. I’ll stick to this job for a while, because I understand loyalty and the power of humble beginnings. Besides, no experience is truly wasted.

This year, do something, anything at all. Take a trip. Learn a skill. Start your beard/natural hair journey. Apply for that internship. Leave/enter the Friendzone. Just do something. Because good things no longer come to those who just wait. They come to those who are prepared.

Love,
Itoro