Ehen my people! as I was saying before life interrupted…
|Photo source: naijahusband.com|
After declaring my intentions, everybody started giving me advice which I took calmly. Okay, maybe I gave Oga Dele a quizzical look when he said I cannot “press phone” at work. Like, when did pressing phone stop being a fundamental human right? Besides that one time, I was calm. I didn’t know the evil plan these people were nursing.
All the sewing items that made up the “dowry” were shared among the Ogas and I was asked to go to each of them to collect the items as well as more advice (these people can advice till rapture). The items included: measuring tape, threads, a pack of machine needles, a pack of hand needles, scissors etc.
I collected tape plus advice, thread plus advice, but when I got to the machine needles bearer, uncle removed one needle from the pack and asked me to come closer.
|When I realized that evil was knocking.|
My mother is a nurse, so you cannot hold needle in your hand and beckon on me and not expect childhood wisdom to fly upandan! I knew something was up!
I took a cautious step forward, and he asked for my hand all the while pointing the needle at me o! Then he said it wouldn’t hurt.
Me in my mind:
|Photo source: madamnoire.com|
I knew it!!!! This is how you people initiate innocent young men and women into the occult of certified Nigerian Liars a.k.a. tailors, abi? It is this initiation that gives tailors the audacity to tell customers that they travelled to their village to bury themselves while drinking Agbo in their shops!
Me to them: ejo sir (I had to speak Yoruba by force), this one has passed second base o! It’s against my culture. This is not necessary at all.
When I saw that talking was not helping , I began to run round the shop. Before long I was shouting at the top at my voice, “they didn’t tell me this one o! I no wan do again”…
Somehow God showed mercy and they left me alone but not after warning me that failure to carry out the ritual would result in multiple accidents on the sewing machine. In my mind, I was saying, “akwukwo!” Today, about 6 weeks later, I have a sewing accident scar on my left middle finger. Maybe, I should have listened. Do you think the gods are angry with me?