I am a good person. I want to establish this fact so we can all see how unfair life is to me at times. Yesterday I was cashless. All the spiritual 30 billion in my “akant” was no where to be found. So I thought I would go to the bank after work to withdraw some cash. The problem was that the only money I had was 100 Naira. So, I decided that I’d ride with my boss after work, so that he would drop me off in the town where I could easily access ATMs. This was a good plan, except for the fact that I always come out of his car smelling of petrol.
After school, I entered the vehicle with two other teachers and settled in for the long ride. When I was dropped off right in front of a bank, my eyes settled on some yummy-looking avocados in a tray and I began to see myself munching on an avocado sandwiched in bread. My stomach growled in affirmation and my inner kitten was already licking her fingers. I nodded in agreement with my other parts and headed to the ATM gallery.
The weird thing was that there was no security and everyone was standing right in front of the machines as opposed to the well organized queues which that bank’s ATM gallery is known for. I knew immediately that the machines were not dispensing any cash and my heart fell. I knew I could wait or walk a distance of about a hundred metres to another bank. I looked at that avocado again and decided to walk to the other bank. I was not designed for plenty physical activity. It’s the reason why I always carefully explained to all my house captains in secondary school that my legs are only long for aesthetic reasons. They were not meant for running. I am not built for exercise. That’s why my alter-ego is a hot,white, kitten with green eyes, always at rest. What was I saying? Oh, the trek! Yes, I trekked to the next bank and to my utmost surprise, shock and horror (in that exact order), It. Was. Locked!
Please remember that I had just about 100 Naira and I had already established a relationship with an avocado, a few metres away. I was not quite devastated, not until the security guy came to explain why the bank was locked. According to him, there was a robbery in a bank in Ekpoma earlier that day and so all the banks in Uromi (which is two L.G.As away) decided to lock up. So even if I managed to gather enough strength to trek to another bank, I would meet the same situation. It was a classic case of “one blow, seven die”. I just used the 100 bucks to transport myself home with my stomach weeping violently.
I honestly don’t deserve to be in this country.
I was made for lounging on white sand beaches while sipping on coconut water, not this suffering. Not this at all.